Wednesday, September 16, 2015

New Start

I think it's time for a change in lifestyle.

Does anyone ever feel like that? Like all of a sudden you need to completely change how you're living and what you're living for?

To be specific, I kind of think I need to change my friends.

It just seems like most of my friends are either really bad influences, or they're dragging me down and keeping me down. For example, one of my friends is smart, but he never applies himself and I pretty much had to coddle and mother him through 8th grade so he would (barely) pass. He reads this blog so he knows I'm talking about him. My other friend is always depressed and anxious, and when I give her advice she does the exact opposite and ends up causing even more harm to herself and others. There are more, but I won't get into that.

It seems like I'm not a friend to them, more like a mother or a soundboard. I don't mind being a soundboard sometimes, but it becomes a problem when it's the only reason we talk. I deserve more than that.

I need to realize that I'm not everyone's savior. I can't constantly try to fix everyone's problems to the point where I forget to take care of myself, which I have been doing since 5th grade. I'm in 9th grade now, and I'm exhausted. I don't want to leave my friends. I love them. But I can't let them drag me down, especially when I have voiced how I feel, multiple times I may add, and nothing changes. And I let it be that way because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I'm done with that.

I can't kill myself trying to make people's lives better. I just can't.

I'm done trying to.